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When I saw this photo, it quickly brought to mind a conflict I am currently experiencing with another; what followed were thoughts about the necessity of compassion both for the other, and myself. In feeling the (perceived) hostility from the other, I want to dig deep and entrench the other in understanding, compassion, and love, for this is the only way to "win" the battle. My first reaction to this hostility and anger is one of fear and defense, for the actions of the other remind me of past toxic presences in my life; those that forced compliance, silence, and swallowing of emotion through manipulation and threat. I feel my insides wanting to cower and withdraw. Then I realize that the reaction I am projecting on them is simply a reflection of something in myself that needs attending. So as this other points and accuses, I realize that I am simply a reflection of something in them self that they do not yet see--and may never see or acknowledge--so I can only change my thoughts and beliefs about them and the situation.
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Once again, I am grateful for insight, clarity, self-awareness, and this act I've chosen to re-name: "How I Choose to Spend My TIme" (HICtSMT = HICMT = ICMT = I Choose My Time!!!!) which the majority has designated: "Work".
In being kind to myself and giving myself time to adjust, I've given myself the entirety of our first Learning Unit, which encompasses 6 weeks of the new school year, to acclimate. I spent the first 3 weeks happily over-working, excitedly under-sleeping, and feeling acceptance about both, knowing it was the flow within the ebb and flow of a new school year and a new job. Lots of "New", actually! I prioritized my yoga and meditation practice and managed to work out consistently during this period. I also utilized deep relaxation mp3s to soothe my mind and body out of its hyper-thinking mode and into a relaxed state, in the evenings. As week 3 and 4 came, I began to set more time limits to the amount I was working; leaving earlier, taking a day off--trying to bring in more balance. I was able to leave work at a "normal" time and even started walking to work last week, which I love! I'm still trying to find that sweet spot of a restful/satisfying/energetic/inspiring/adequate time balance in Life, where I spend a balanced amount of time devoted to ICMT so that I am effective, inspiring, fully-engaged, compassionate, and prepared; and a balanced amount of time intended toward self-fulfillment in non-public life (passé temps, facere, securite', salud, sa-rang, and hygge). I can do it!
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...to work, which is close enough for a walk or cycle! I am soooooooooo grateful that I am finally working near my home--and living near my work! It is awesome! I have missed the pedestrian lifestyle I enjoyed in both Key West and Tongyeong! I love that I can walk to work instead of drive!
In Tongyeong, I was barely .5 mile to school, and public transport there was so modern and ubiquitous that I never needed a car, even when traveling across the country. Key West is an island only about 4 miles long, so round trip to the grocery store (my longest venture) was 3.4 miles; a "long" bike ride (or motorcycle trip). I loved not being part of the pollution problem, too! Enjoying the fresh air, experiencing the fun of walking and riding my bike, all part of the being outdoors. You are really involved in life when you are not caged in a vehicle, and you can notice so much.
I'm walking to work tomorrow, and I am looking forward to it! (Still got to get the bike fixed!) I am so grateful I get to walk to work, and that I work at a place that encourages a pedestrian lifestyle!
...and overall awesomeness!
Today I am so grateful for my healthy body. I am really tired today; a carryover from yesterday. I am grateful I can recognize this, acknowledge it, and honor it. Of course, I'm still going to over-caffeinated myself, but I'm also going to do what I need to take care of my body and mind and soul. My knee is nearly healed, my energy levels rise each week back toward my normal, high-energy self. I am grateful for my perfect and perfectly healthy body!
I am so grateful for my courage, if that is what it is. People have determined that I am dauntless and fearless due to all of my adventures, travel, and hobbies. But I disagree. I get scared, I am afraid. I act in spite of the fear, and perhaps to overcome the fear. For example, rock climbing: I did it to overcome my fear of heights; I was tired of being controlled by that fear. I'll never forget one guy's comment as he saw me dismount my motorcycle, in full gear, with the bike all loaded up. for my solo cross-country trip back in 2008: "You've got balls." I didn't know whether to feel insulted or complimented, so I went with the latter.
My appellation of The Gallivanting Goddess is not for naught, however. Yesterday reminds me of the courage and power within me, that forms a generous part of my character. I can't claim some great adventure or lost in the woods story, but I did get lost in the woods--the woods of Austin. It's not like I could not have turned back or found the path; I was never far from a main road even. But the little trek I made really brought to focus what would be required of me during a major thru-hike of hundreds or thousands of miles. The path was taking me further and further from my house, more west than east. I couldn't find a place to cross the river that I felt was safe. I was bushwhacking in shorts rather than pants, with thorns and shrub and densely packed trees and bushes both on and off the path. I knew the direction in which I wanted to go, but couldn't locate a path that took me back east. Honestly, once I realized I had taken the wrong branch of the greenbelt, I was determined to find a way, rather than backtrack. Keens have great anti-skid tread, but I really needed to be wearing long pants and hiking boots for this side journey. The sun was setting as well. I thought to myself: "If I can't deal with this little amount of wildness, even though I am inadequately prepared and clothed, how will I deal with true hardships along a long distance trail?" That kept me going. I had no idea where a path might be found again, what was on the other side of the river, and if any of it was even passable. I was also a little nervous, when wondering if there were any violent, crazy people out. Then that led me to feel angry that I live in a country where I can't even feel safe in my own backyard, because I was pretty much tramping through the area behind my house! I can't stand not feeling safe in this country! Anyway, I found a narrow point in the river, where the water was only knee-deep and was able to cross. That could have been dangerous because the water was rushing pretty quickly. A blown over tree provided me with a sturdy staff, which I used for stability.
...is practicing gratitude every day for 365 days. Began on April 22, 2016, let's see how life changes over the course of this next year!