Today I am grateful for my wild, 3-d, cinematic, multi-chromatic dream life. Yes, Dream Life. My dreams are so vivid, so realistic, that when I call them to mind, my heart will race like it did within the dream of zombies I had. Ack! Yes, Zombies! Why!!?? That was terrifying and too real, yet I am still grateful for such life-like workings of my brain while the rest of my body sleeps. I'm grateful that I can awaken from all my dreams recently, in this warmly toasty bed!
1) A heated bed pad, because one of the Top 15 feelings in life is getting into a warm and toasty bed. Another in the Top 15 is waking up in a warm, and toasty bed to reach over and smack the snooze and burrow deeper into that warmth; makes getting out of bed difficult!!
2) Downtime: relaxing my mind and body after a challenging day with some silly KDrama where the actions of the characters make no sense in real life at all, but serve to extend the length of the series; plus watching So Ji Sub do his absolute best in these silly dramas. Plus, So Ji Sub, period.
3) Waking up and feeling good, having energy, and feeling optimistic. What a change for which I am so grateful!
Today will be a good day. I'm not at "great" yet, but I'm working toward it! I have tools, I have ideas. Now if I can just get myself back into an exercise routine!!
I'm grateful for feeling good, feeling energetic, feeling positive and optimistic, and feeling hopeful! OMG YAY 😁 !
Diet, mind, conditions
Hold the possibility of correction."
-"Imbalance", 356 Tao Daily Meditations by Deng Ming-Dao*
I'm grateful to receive lessons of wisdom, always at the exact moment I need to be uplifted or reminded.
"Whenever you feel out of sorts, or cannot sleep, or find it hard to work and think, you are separated from Tao. If you want to get back in touch with it, ask yourself three questions: Am I eating right? Is my mind tamed? Is my world safe?" *Ibid
In other words, separated from my true nature, separated from the knowledge of my own peaceful self, and believing distorted thoughts of the ego-mind. I will copy this and paste it onto my bathroom mirror, as a reminder to check my diet, thoughts, and my reaction to stress. All causing my sleepless nights.
I love reading these passages that remind me there is an answer always, and it is always within me.
I am grateful that I realize that putting something off doesn't change it, doesn't make it any better; it only makes that need sit heavy on mind and heart for a longer period of time. To avoid this only makes the dread grow in intensity, and I also ofeel the pressure in my subconscious. So while I try to fool myself that I am putting something off, I am truly not, but it grows larger behind the scenes.
This procrastination is a pattern I have seen in my life, but it is usually a method to avoid conflict. Most of my life I have always completed tasks early to get them done. I make a list, and relish slashing through each item with a deep line. Many of my lists are online now, so I miss the slash marks; hitting "delete" does not offer the same physical and mental satisfaction as that active recognition of task completion. But with all the other challenges I have faced in recent years, I have fallen into a pit of procrastination and this act has carried over into other areas of my life. This is why it took me a while to realize that putting anything off increases my anxiety, rather than alleviating the stress of the "to-do".
Quite recently, I have realized that putting off an unpleasant task will only increase the misery of an already unpleasant situation, and so I have decided to face it and get it over with. This decision has made me realize I am stronger than I thought I was; knowing I have the resources to deal with it in some fashion, when others cannot. It may bring up other issues, and I may not deal with it as well as I had hoped, but in the end I will figure it out, even if it means I have to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself and keep my own counsel.
I suppose I am most grateful for my courage, and recognizing this within myself. I've been so hard on myself these two years, and although it's a stretch, it is also a relief to actually feel good about myself in some form. While I haven't had a rainbow-lit epiphany that procrastination doesn't work for me, I have recognized a behavior that has become a pattern, and am making an effort to minimize that pattern back to an occasional action. Rather, I would call the acknowledgment of courage within myself more of a major growth factor and rainbow-colored elucidation.
Thus, I am grateful for recognition and acknowledgment and the good feelings that follow these two.
I told myself last night, as I fell asleep, that I would sleep well and long... and I did! I awoke this morning feelin' good and well rested. I decided to start a new habit of writing out visualization for the following day, entitled: "How Do I Want My Day To Go?"
I decided--and wrote-- last night, that I wanted my day to easily and happily; I would arise early enough to do some writing and reading, exercise and meditation, and ride my bike to school. I would have fun with my kiddos and, rather than being stress-free (impossible), I would manage the stress well. I still have loads of anxiety around work, but I'm lucky in that I love my school, our model, our parents, our staff, so that has balanced out the anxiety. All I can do is my best for my students and let everything else go. And have fun!
I am nervous about riding my bike though; I'm out of shape and wondering how my knee will hold up. It feels near 100% healed and I don't want to re-injure it, but I have to get back on my bike and get back to running--my body has become too, too fat and too, too weak.
But I'M GRATEFUL to be FEELIN' GOOD today, thank goddess, it's such a change to wake up and be happy and feel good physically and emotionally. Actually, the change has been waking up and feeling the opposite. Waking up happy and anticipating a great day is my norm. I want my norm back!
I'm also grateful to my friends who love and support me, my family in FTW that does the same, and my wonderful school family.
Plus, I made braised lotus root banchan yesterday for the first time!
I am grateful for friendships; the energy within that attracts new friends, those amazing people that become part of my life, and sharing similar experiences. Friends help me remember that I am not alone in this world and that the emotions I feel and the challenges I experience are not saved solely for me; they let me know "I am not the only one". Everywhere I have been on this globe and in this life, I have met new people who I have been instantly attracted to--in energy and personality. These people are different from me and the same, and we vibe, we match, we collude toward authentically deep friendship and shared positive experience. I'm always astounded by the people I meet.
Aside: how did the meaning of the word "collude" get transformed from its origin, "to play", to a word indicating ill-intent? The root word "ludere" (currently used as "ludic") means "to play"!
...to be continued...
I am grateful that when I am fully present and trying to listen to another with focused attention and the intent of truly listening, I am able to do it. I would like to be able to practice this regularly, in simple day-to-day conversations, but at least when the conversation is intense, I am aware enough to practice it. It feels good to really listen to another person and not focus on what I think about what they are saying or what I'm going to say in response or defending my Self. It takes a very conscious decision to do this and I am grateful I can do it. I am far from skilled or perfect in this type of communication, but I am progressing!
...is practicing gratitude every day for 365 days. Began on April 22, 2016, let's see how life changes over the course of this next year!