I feel as though I have been in constant struggle for the last three years. Yes, the struggle interspersed with moments of joy, love, travel, and fun; yet as I look back at 2015, 2014, and most of 2013, I recall fear, employment difficulties followed by financial struggles, relationship turmoil, major health issues, injuries, and a lot of bad choices that amplified the above. I've lost ground that I can't seem to gain back. Sometimes it seems I'm so deep in the quicksand, that rescue or escape is impossible. I am truly tired of the strugge to survive too. Just bone-tired. My plasma is tired people.
Instead of just re-hashing all my troubles, I'd prefer to figure out how to change my thinking so that circumstances don't affect me so much. The bottom line is: stuff happens, and it only affects you negatively if you perceive it as such. I think what has and is happening in my life sucks, and so it does. I dislike my living situation, and that dislike creates negative feelings and just makes it all worse. I am worried about money, and yet, today, I have plenty. I'm worried about future money, which makes me uptight and anxious and afraid, and right now, I have plenty of money and all my physical needs met. I have a place to live, transportation, regular work as a Sub, plenty of clothes, and plenty of food. This is what I mean about making friends with the present moment. I need to breathe and come back to that over and over: Accept the present moment, make friends with the present moment, accept the Now as though I had created it.
"Now" is always an okay place. "Now" is always secure.
I'm trying, and I will keep on trying.
For Now! ;-)