Was I ungrateful? No, I think my entire Being was done-in, on all levels. From toxic physical habits and lack of exercise, to decreased practice of asana, prana, and meditation, to stressfull thoughts and feeling overwhelmed; so much so that I was paralyzed in my inaction and isolation. All aspects of Me were unsupported by me and I did not feel supported by Life. The downturn began with the month-long bout of bronchitis, which then took one additional month for me to feel 100%. I fought it. I accepted it. But it drained so much life from me. And then everything else began to overwhelm. But regardless, I have persevered. As usual!
A friend recently mentioned that life is going to present tough times, but that doesn't mean you have to suffer because of them. He said his life mission is to understand and practice not suffering. This is the same lesson I have been learning through my study of Taoism: flow with the rising and falling waves and be like water. I have a renewed sense of life after these 8 days, and although the lessons are not new to me, they are returning at such an apropos time!
I felt grateful during that absence of daily gratitude entries; I just didn't have the motivation to write them!
I can say "I'm back" in sincerity, and not feel like it's going to be a struggle. That's the key: Stop struggling, Gina! The motivation, energy, and desire has returned, and most importantly, the ability to complete the actions necessary to maintain my Self.
I find myself, surprisingly, filled with a sense of gratitude for The Darkness I have experienced since 2014. What have I learned? Well, OMG, that --as we say in Texas-- is a "whole 'nuther" post...
I love life. I love myself. I love you!
Life is great!
Cartwheels and Ferris Wheels!