I've always been plagued by worries (or caused my own plague of worries!) about the future, This seems to have increased over time, instead of diminished, despite the inner work I do. I believe I have periods of living without fear or worry, but they seem fewer and far between. That said, I am grateful for the awareness that I have future-fear thoughts. The awareness helps me realize I can choose to remain in the fear, or I can turn my thoughts to more positive, action-oriented, calming thoughts. And if I can stay in gratitude, the fear will not become a self-fulfilling prophecy! With this knowledge, I am grateful for my comfy, hygge home, and my medium-satisfaction job. I want to remain settled here for another contract cycle at least, and get a sense of stability and security in my life, save more, travel more, increase my health and well-being. I am grateful for the opportunity, and I am grateful for my home and work that allows me to live in my current manner of comfort.
2019. Seems so weird to type those numbers. I have a lot to be grateful for when I consider 2018. So much happened, it's difficult to keep track of it all. Good and Bad. Ups and Downs. Life. Adventures, Mishaps. Health, illness. Every event is a contrast. I am still learning how to live life; growing, evolving, struggling, succeeding...
I am grateful for so much that happened and that I made happen in 2018. I traveled to Paris for the first time, on my way to live in China! I hiked across mountains in the colonized part of Tibet, now known as Western Sichuan. I hiked higher than I have ever hiked before! I hiked longer than I have ever hiked before! Those 4 weeks in the Autonomous Prefectures of Tibet were some of the most amazing adventures of my life!
I have made new friends. I am slowly, oh so slowly, learning Mandarin, and some Tibetan! I have a new TCM doc who I find very intuitive and knowledgeable - a perfect match for me. I am bonding with my students. I have a new treadmill.
I have intentions set for 2019. I have written goals as well. I want it to be a good year. And so it shall!
Christmas in Beijing, 2018.
What do I want my days to look like?
I want to awaken feeling refreshed, energized, rested, and positive about the day.
I will move forward into health, security, hygge, connection, creativity, and passe temps!
I was taking 15+ pills per day during the acute phase of bronchitis. Cupping results, the second session.
Spleen, liver, kidneys... it's all out of whack. It seems I have been ill more often than well, here. Perhaps not accurate, but it seems that way, at least this fall and winter And I am sick again. I have continual sinusitis and lung infections leading to bronchitis. Luckily, I can walk into any pharmacy and get the antibiotics I need. The doctor is simply going to prescribe them for me anyway. At this point, I've had the same illnesses often enough to know what I need. After the last very severe bought of bacterial bronchitis, that lasted for one month, caused 7 cumulative missed days of work, and ended with torn rib cartilage (that is still slightly painful, one month later, if I sleep on my stomach), I found a competent doctor I trust, so I use the same medications.
But I can't help but wonder why I am getting these continual lung infections? I am weak in so many ways: physically, emotionally... I suppose something has to give. But I've never been this sick, this often, in my life. It seems like age has jumped out and clobbered me all of the sudden. I went from being a vibrant, energetic active person, to this debilitated, lethargic, hermit. And now with the blackness of winter accompanied by the horrid air pollution in Chengdu, I only want to go to work and come home and get in pajamas.
To be continued...
... needs radical self-care! Getting a start on 2019 early, with a new self-care plan!