Over 1000 people are visiting my blog each month! WOW!
... THANK YOU!
I’ve been under the misapprehension that these stat are in error; perhaps friends are visiting my page a few different times when I post my blog—but NO! I researched Weebly’s gathering of stats: each visit is actually a NEW (hopefully human) individual who visits my blog, with their own unique URL! Even more surprising, is that this week’s number of visitors is actually LOWER than most weeks, which average above 300!
Over 1000 people are visiting my blog each month! WOW!
... THANK YOU!
dree /driː/ verb drees, dreeing, dreed
1.(transitive) to endure
2.dree one's weird, to endure one's fate -adjective
3.another word for dreich
Old English drēogan; related to Old Norse drӯgja to perpetrate
v. Old English dreogan "to work, suffer, endure;" see drudge.
Cf. Old Norse drygjado "carry out,accomplish,"
Gothic driugan "serve as a soldier."
Thank you Terry Pratchett for letting me ken this wyrd word.
I find my mind being hard on my Self instead of going with the flow, accepting where I am, and recognizing that life is flux; this period of time is only temporary and everything will change. I am berating myself for getting to the point where my body has become this out-of-shape, weak, flabby, fat, prone-to-injury, low-energy blob that it is. I continually harken back to times when I was running 10 miles per week, cycling 20+ miles round trip up 4000+ feet of mountains to the climbing wall for several hours of climbing, practicing yoga every day, and doing Bikram a few times---this was all in one week! Pull-ups, push-ups, weight lifting, squats, calisthenics, Insanity with Shawn T, walking all over the town/city, cartwheels, handstands... all of this translates into how I lived my life: energetic and athletic, always active, facing my fears, taking on multiple tasks, living loud and strong, sleeping easy and deep, and everything else that goes with a full life.
I HATE THIS YIN PERIOD IN MY LIFE! I HATE IT!
...and there I go struggling against reality and what it, which inevitably makes me suffer. I identify with all the above, and so being what I am right now is supremely difficult. I feel the opposite of athletic, healthy, energetic, cyclist, runner, climber. I think the world looks at me in disdain for my lack of will and ability to return to my former self. Are people disappointed in me? I feel like I've let so many people down, most likely, because I've let myself down. I'm encumbered by guilt and regret, and it weighs three times as much as the 20 pounds I've gained. Yet 20 lbs. seems like 40 when facing a mirror. Blech! The burden of these negative thoughts is even heavier!
I look back and see the financial prosperity that graced my life: my gorgeous house in the mountains, my cottage in the heart of New Town, my small efficiency overlooking islands in the sea, furniture and books and possessions I enjoyed that filled my home with the sense of "home" and Hygge... and now, here I am, all of that gone. (I left it all, it was not lost.) I should emphasize that I am definitely grateful and lucky for where I live; it has many benefits, but is not my first choice.
As I reminisce, I wonder if I will ever have that lifestyle again: a lifestyle of health, prosperity, and energetic athleticism.
And while I remember that it will all flow back in cyclical time, I still cling to What Was. I acknowledge that No, I can't go back. I can change (and Life will, and I will) so that prosperity and energy will improve and increase once again (and they will, and they are), so the Old Edition of Me will become a New and Improved Edition. Sometimes I am filled with fear that I will never return to that prosperous, athletic person (though I am much more concerned about being healthy and active than being prosperous), that I will remain this listless, flabby thing that just exists and tries to make it through. Sometimes it seems like current conditions will last forever, and THIS is what I have BECOME. UGH! (I am also very conscious of the fact that I am writing this during a week of exceptionally black mood due to period hormone fluctuations and situational work stress; I recognize this influenced my current status toward the Grumposaurus Rex side!)
I express all of this to squeeze it out of me, to exorcise the fear and struggle, so that I may return to knowledge and affirmation that this is only one stage of many, that life will change, that I will change. I keep reminding myself: I will return to that energetic athletic lifestyle, life will become bountiful once again, I will find discipline and will within myself, my fire will burn brightly again, my energy will return, my health IS returning, I will learn how to manage my energy and maintain a sense of groundedness, I am on the upswing of the cycle, I have surfaced from the undertow and am breathing freely and have clambered back on my board, I am riding the tube again, I am surfing up to the crest, everything is getting better, I am doing the best I can right now... right now...I have right now... and everything is always perfect in the Now.
Once again, I will bring myself back to the knowing that this is all temporary and I have the strenght to survive. I showed my self yesterday how I fared under extreme duress. I had to withdraw into myself and pull up deep reserves of self-control. I held my emotions in check so that I could perform well the functions required of me. And I did pretty damn good. Not perfect, but that is never a requirement (even though Ego says it is). I am stronger than I give myself credit for being. I am better than I tell myself I am. I do well even when negative self talk says otherwise. I am even healthier than I want to believe, when I stop comparing Current Me to Former Me.
I'm okay. I'll bounce back. I always have, always will. I will keep that vision of my healthy, energetic, active self. I will keep that image of cozy comfort in my home so that I am filled with a sense of Hygge. I will keep getting up every morning with a plan to exercise, whether I do it or not. I will maintain all the positive thoughts I need to counter the negative ones, so that I stay afloat and rise up the wave. I will lovingly accept where I am in life and allow the rest I need and the comfort I crave. I will find ways to fill my heart with love, to keep my Self and my body Grounded, and to reassure my Mind and my Heart that I am Secure, in the Now. I will remember the cycle, the flow, the Tao, and be part of it. I will lower my Walls and take a chance.
I will love myself, my life, and my body. Right Now. What else is there but Love and Now and the perfection of both?
“...if I have a belief, then the function of the mind is to manifest that belief so it becomes reality. For example, if I have a belief that I’m going to die of a disease because someone told me so, then the function of the mind is to convert that belief into physical manifestation, and it’s no surprise that my belief becomes reality. But it’s not because I have a terminal disease that I end up dying; it’s because I believe this disease will kill me.”
- Bruce Lipton
This is why I say I'm young, and you'll never hear me saying "I'm getting old".
This is why I talk about health and not the "fight against" whatever.
This is why I visualize running when I'm 90 and dying in my sleep amidst a dream as a happy, healthy, 90 year old woman.
This is why I won't get cancer or die in a motorcycle accident.
This is people always think I am 35-40 instead of the 48 I really am.
This is why I feel 35 instead of 48!
This is why, despite injury or illness, I always "bounce back".
This is why I successfully took up climbing at the young age of 45.
This is why I will take up surfing in my 50's or as soon as I move to Hawai'i. ;-)
This is why I visualized my knee back to wholeness instead of having surgery.
This is why I believe in love, and always will.
This is why I visualize everything I want in life, instead of what I do not want.
This is why I don't watch the news or listen to negative talk.
This is why I always try, try, try to be positive in thoughts, speech, and action (even though I am not always successful, I continue trying!
This is why I am confident that my future holds a PhD, teaching in a University, and living other dreams and goals.
This is why I know I will live in France, Korea, and elsewhere and wherever I wish as time the comes.
This is why I try to avoid all ya'lls negative news and POTUS FB posts, as best I can (guilty here sometimes, though!)
This is why I won't be crippled or sick as time passes; I will be vibrant, radiant, and youthful all of my life!
Oh how I have missed my Korean TCM Doc. The discomfort, the healing, the intensity, the soothing 30 minutes of lying on a heated bed pad on a comfortable treatment table with soft music overhead, and the reassurance that my body heals itself with a little help! All for $7 per visit!
I visited Dr. Zhang last night and awoke feeling tired and cleansed. Although Dr. Choi is Korean and Dr. Zhang is Chinese, I couldn't help but comparing treatments, and my visit with Dr. Z reminded me of those healing visits with Dr. Choi, but for $120 more! Whoa! But worth it.
The needles went in without any pain at all, I could only feel his fingertips on my skin. I received some herbal meds to take, and the prescription that I should be healed and perhaps not even return! The toxin coating on my tongue this morning was thick with ama. I feel very tired and yet slept nearly 8 hours. I think the combination of steroid and acupuncture is working to heal this allergy. My beautiful skin is returning! I used to look in the mirror and feel distressed by wrinkles. Now I look in the mirror and am grateful for my smooth, clear, pink skin! Fresh and new and I am looking normal again! Yay! I want to visit Dr. Z again, maybe once per month, just to reminisce and to get a health pick-me-up!
Why you should not be UNHAPPY about Donald Trump, US Govt, our current cultural and political problems...
"You can build up your strength to the point where you are not influenced by your surroundings; in fact, you can influence the surroundings instead. You can change the environment if you have the strength of mind; but even if your mind isn't that strong, you can still have the strength not to be affected by the environment.
Learning not to be affected is an important step. If you were influenced by a situation, how can you change it? If 15 people are crying and you go there and join them in the crying, you're simply added one more miserable person; you have not done anything to benefit people. Instead, if you're really strong and can maintain your own equanimity, all 15 people will be benefited by your strength."
Don't give your power or peace of mind away. To anyone! Retain positivity and don't engage in negative conversation!
"What I know for sure is less and less:
that a hot bath won’t cure loneliness.
That bacon is the best bad thing to chew
and what you love may kill you.
The odd connection between perfection
and foolishness, like the pelican
diving for his fish.
How silly sex is.
How, having it, we glimpse
What I know is less and less.
What I want is more and more:
you against me--
your ferocious tenderness--
love like a star,
once small and far,
now huge, now near."
"What I Know" by Lee Robinson from Hearsay. © Fordham University Press, 2004.
Once again, hearing exactly what I need to hear, having something profound reflected back to me... I was thinking throughout the day that I would do my best to sit with Swami Hamsananda today at lunch, so that I could glean more wisdom and continue my line of questioning from the talk on Saturday. The topics of our discussion ranged from a movie with Brendan Fraser, to her visits to the various Yogaville Ashrams around the world, fasting, traveling, and what I do for a living and abit about me. When I described what I do and how much I love it, and how I get to come here, her comment was: "It sounds like your life is perfect!" She continued with, "What do you need...do you need anything? It sounds like you don't." I answered that I need a more consistent practice because I "fall off the wagon", and get back on--though now I'm getting back on. "Why?", I need more discipline, but it is returning. "Well, that's good," she smiled!
She inquired about my comment of staying put for at least two years, before I move abroad again, and as to why I move around so much. I reminisced in a split second about always running away, and how that started very young, (in the literal sense of running away from home); how I have moved around so much since I was 17, never really grounding in one spot for too long. I explained how in my past most likely their was a subconscious reason for running or that I was running from/to something, but after much self-analysis, I now understand that the reason behind my sojourns is that I truly love to live in different countries, experience various cultures, and learn from those cultures; it broadens my view and opens my mind. She stated that I don't really need to think about two years yet, when I have Now and Now is good. She reminded me how lucky I am to have the freedom to live abroad because of the work I do. Yes!
My eyes filled with tears as she reflected back to me that yes, my life is perfect! As I acknowledged that realization and held it close, I felt so happy and full of gratitude. I felt grateful for the knowing, and I felt grateful to have someone to help me recognize it.
Really and truly, my life IS PERFECT: I have everything I need right NOW, I LOVE my work, I have transportation, I have money to visit Yogaville when I wish to, I have freedom to express my creativity at work, I'm running again and returning to radiant health, I have time and ability to express my creativity through drawing and writing and music, I have time and money to enjoy my favorite passé temps, my sense of security and grounding increases daily, I have returned to my "home" of yoga lifestyle and practice, my prosperity is increasing, my surroundings are Hygge and I feel good in my home space and life space, and ... it's all really perfect and I'm perfectly happy. I'm in that Space of Equanimity--Middle Way-- I have sought to create. My Light is shining again so that I can be a beacon to others and most especially, my students. I am fulfilled in offering my service to others. I am creating inner peace and happiness inside and in my world. I am living the Tao, satisfied in myself, without need to search for the answers outside myself or in another person. I am achieving my life purpose and it is good. I am so, so , so infinitely grateful!
... Loves to lie amongst the warm rays of sunshine and read, read, read, learn, learn, learn, and live, live, live, vicariously between the pages!