And yet, there is an answer!
Since renewing and refreshing myself in Rishikesh, I have been able to access long-forgotten tools that help me overcome my Egoic Self and its attachments.
Well, it is a work in progress of course, I haven't yet achieved enlightenment...though I keep moving toward freedom!
I've started using Byron Katie's "The Work" process again--that helped a great deal with the frustration I continue to feel with my co-teacher, L. (See Backstory, below.) Then of course, something else happened in the last few days to set me off. I was feeling angry and frustrated at the lack of collaboration, and how she just makes decisions without consulting me for feedback. Then I realized that perhaps I was overly attached to collaboration. Yes, collaboration is positive and creates a great working environment for co-teachers; however L. is the symbolic Rock I come against in my peaceful flow. And as Mooji stated: "Water hits a rock, and it doesn't argue. It flows around. It is flexible." This is what I keep my recall and heart upon: remembering L. is the rock, and I am the water--why argue? And if insisting I have a collaborative work environment creates stress, why hang on to that attachment when it is not going to happen? Why fight reality? Why not go with the flow? What underlies all of this is my Ego's need to Be In Charge. That's what is really going on. I feel disempowered and it seems that my voice does not matter. That creates pain, which makes me feel angry as a result. Of course, this all stems from my upbringing where I truly Had No Power as a child: I (my voice) was To Be Seen And Not Heard. Yes, perhaps I am still quite sensitive -- not, perhaps, overly, but still the full embodiment of sensitivity -- to having my voice squashed, ignored, or otherwise deemed irrelevant and unimportant, which condensed, translates to the expression of personal power.
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- L. is the Rock and I am the Water (don't argue, go around)
- I forget that I am Divine and not a person, and then attach
- It's time to let go of my attachment to collaboration and a fulfilling/positive work environment.