I came across some pictures of Todd and I on my old phone; thought I had deleted them all. And I instantly thought, "How unattractive he is, how could I have ever dated so far below my level?"! Of course, I had chosen to focus on his heart and mind, not his looks, but all of who he is turned out to be unattractive. In fact, unremarkable face, terrible body, and very, very ugly heart. After deleting the photos, I saw a pic of Roy Orbison, and thought, oh my god, Todd is like an uglier version of him! (No insult to Roy or his music). It still blows my mind that I was so taken in by his lies and embellishments, tried to look beyond his obvious physical lacks, and see into his heart, but that turned out to be black and there was nothing to see anyway. When I think of him, I feel disgust, still, so many months later! Yuk! The memories of being physical with him turn my stomach. He's the first person I ever had to close my eyes and fake it with, and think of someone else. No wonder I am avoiding getting involved with anyone even now! I will never lower my standards again!
...Small actions in a dynamic system will trigger vast and unexpected changes