But, as I mentioned, I caught that downward spiral that always ends in hopeless tears with the word "mindfulness", and I asked myself: How am I RIGHT NOW? Fine, actually. Sitting on my bed, drinking a terrifically enjoyable cup of chai and reading Terry Pratchett, I looked up and saw that I was in a warm heated room on a comfy bed and had too many clothes in my closet. I noticed that I felt physically fine, my knee was not hurting, I had food in the frig when I became hungry for breakie, and I had a lot for which to feel gratitude.
If I can just come into the PRESENT MOMENT each time I get one of these fear attacks, I'll be okay. It occurred to me within a few moments: "What if this is all just temporary, these horrid circumstances that I am currently suffering?", "What if I am able to successfully study for and pass the state certification exams within a few months and get a good job?", "So what if I have to move in with a friend or my Dad temporarily until the right job appears?", and "What if all this suffering is temporary, I become flush and prosperous again in 6 months, my knee heals, and I learn a valuable lesson and evolve into an improved version of myself because of these trials?". I wondered if all those could be true and that this is all a temporary state and will pass. That gave me a sense of relief and hope.
I hope I can recapture this sense of ALLOWING and CALM that comes when I become present and aware of what is happening in the NOW. Then, I might just be okay and survive the Current Life Storm.