Ultimately, I want to drink and engage with careless ease, or just "join in" with my peers. But I've found (this is nothing new, as I don't always drink, and certainly don't regularly drink in excess in social situations) that I enjoy myself without the prop. I miss the flavors and the fun. On the other hand, there are always physical consequences (for me) such as not feeling great the next day, impaired driving, and excess sugar and calories in my diet. It's always a toss up. And now it's been so long, I'm almost afraid what the effects of alcohol will be on my system! I kinda like my self-designation as a non-drinker, too. It's swanky. Or geeky. Who knows.
It's 6:30 AM, so it's not like I have to solve this now. I guess I'll continue doing what I've been doing: decide in the moment after a silent internal argument and probably continue to abstain. Ha!