Once again, I return to the realization that if I am tired, I need to rest more. But without the numbing avoidant behaviors...how? I don't have the answer. If I am going through this phase of fatigue, how can I accept it and use it in a way that would be beneficial to my overall life and long-term health and happiness? I've always had an over-abundance of energy, and I was the Force of Change. I Acted On Things, not the opposite. I have not been at the receiving end before--so helpless. My Will and Determination seem to have left me as well. Maybe they were just too damn tired of being used to exhaustion.
We'll see. I'm not sure what will happen. At this point, I still have enough conscious Me left to Try Again. Or Continue Trying. I'll read some more Brene Brown, who's message is currently speaking to me; I'll keep getting up early with the intention to exercise...yoga, Qi Gong, pranayama, walk, run, ride, Bikram, whether I do it or not; I'll keep writing and debating these thought that bring me down; I'll go to school everyday and do my best to give my best to my precious little people; and I'll get up determined to have a good day whether it ends with me as a heap on my bed dismembering my psyche and heart by tuning out and off with KDrama and some choco... or not.